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experiencelifemag.com
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The Loneliness Trap
Feeling cut off from others can do more than make you sad - it can make you
sick.
By Jon Spayde |
July-August 2008 |
Stress Source
Barriers to Overcome
How to Cope
Stress Solver
Tresaro Chenille Bathrobe
Being all by yourself has two very different names: solitude
and loneliness. Solitude is a healthy state of self-communion in which escaping
the crowd creates peace and happiness. Loneliness, on the other hand, is a
condition associated with enough potential stress to damage your body.
James J. Lynch, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Baltimore and
author of three books on the medical effects of loneliness, points out that
while a little temporary loneliness is natural, when it becomes habitual — “a
feeling of being cut off and simply unable to communicate with others,” as he
puts it — it’s a real problem.
In his research over four decades, Lynch has seen the price
the body pays for loneliness: anxiety, depression, a compromised immune system,
and blood pressure spikes that bring an increased risk of hypertension and heart
disease.
Stress Source
Isolation and
loneliness Feeling deeply lonely, even in the presence of others, is
recognized as a social and emotional challenge, but it can also have serious, long-term
physical health effects.
Barriers to Overcome
A go-it-alone mentality. “We’re the products of a culture
that idolizes the self-sufficient Marlboro Man,” says Lynch. “We tend to think
of isolation as relatively normal.”
Too much screen time. Our reliance on computers and other
electronic devices tends to deprive us of the kind of face-to-face contact and
conversation that’s good for the soul — and the arteries.
Lack of self-awareness. We aren’t always particularly
cognizant of the extent of our isolation or loneliness, says Lynch, because “a
lot of our emotional life is outside of our awareness. We actually have two
bodies: a mechanical or hydraulic body — a body that pumps — and a communicative
body, a body that’s deeply affected by issues of connection and communication —
or lack of communication — with others.”
Prioritizing fitness over social well-being. Lynch says
people who work out a lot but neglect personal relationships may actually be at
greater risk for hypertension than their less well-exercised, but
better-connected, peers. A fit person’s heart pumps more blood with each stroke,
which can mean more physical stress on arterioles constricted by the emotional
stress of, say, relationship problems.
How to Cope
Listen to others. “Anything that gets you outside yourself
lowers your blood pressure,” says Lynch. “Talking increases your blood pressure,
sometimes quite dramatically. And talking while feeling lonely (that is, talking
but sensing that you are not connecting) only makes matters worse. But listening
— really listening — to others can actually bring your blood pressure down to
below your normal rate as it lessens feelings of isolation.”
Get out into nature. A peaceful walk under the blue sky not
only lowers blood pressure, it can transform feelings of loneliness into
healthier feelings of peacefulness and solitude.
Adopt a pet. “In our research, we found dramatically
decreased blood pressure among children when pets were in the room,” says Lynch.
Pet interaction has shown similar health-boosting effects in people of all ages.
Seek face time. Lynch stresses the need for face-to-face
contact in an electronically mediated world. Don’t allow online communities to
take the place of in-person social experiences based on shared interests and
hobbies. And seize every opportunity you can to take an authentic interest in
others — pay attention to their experiences and perspectives. Ask about what is
going on in their world.
Stress Solver
Hands That Listen
The Rosen Method uses the power of touch to reconnect you
with yourself. Feeling lonely or anxious? You might want to try a form of
bodywork called the Rosen Method. A methodology based on healing and centering
touch, the Rosen Method aims to create relaxation, well-being and
self-awareness. Origin: Marion Rosen (b. 1914) was working as a physical therapist
when she learned about the power of human touch from Lucy Heyer, a dancer and
massage therapist who belonged to the social circle of famed
psychologist Carl Jung. Rosen also noted that her patients got better when she
talked with them about the connection between their muscles and their emotions.
By the 1970s she had developed a unique therapeutic-touch method, along with a
style of movement that combined physical-therapy exercises and music. Benefits: “Relaxation is a goal, but because the relaxation is combined
with an awareness of how our bodies have ‘recorded’ our emotional lives, it is a more profound experience than simple
relaxation,” says Marjorie Huebner, a Minneapolis-based Rosen Method
practitioner and teacher. “Awareness can bring change in our lives.” The
method’s gentle, nonmanipulating, “listening” touch brings its own benefits. “It
stimulates our limbic brain, the ‘feeling’ brain that we share with animals, and
it encourages the flow of oxytocin, the hormone of connection and calming that
is in some ways the opposite of adrenaline,” she says. “Oxytocin is essential in
bringing down our stress level, and we get it when we are listened to, looked at
without judgment and touched.” (See “Emotional Biochemistry” in the
November/December 2003 archives.) Simple Steps: Rosen Method bodywork is not massage, Huebner explains, but a
“method of awareness.” The practitioner touches the client’s body in places
where there is muscular tightness, inviting the client to notice the tightness
and also, if he or she chooses, to talk about it.
“My touch helps you feel you,” says Huebner. “A muscle can
either contract or relax, and if it has contracted when it isn’t doing any work
like pushing or lifting, well, it’s doing something else, and if you don’t know
what it’s doing, you are going to keep that muscle tight, which might lead to
chronic pain and other problems.” Very often, she adds, the tight muscle is
holding in an emotion that, for whatever reason, you are not able to fully feel
or express.
“If you have had a great loss, say of a loved one, you will
experience a lot of grief,” she explains. “But you won’t experience it all at
once. Your body will hold on to some of it as muscle tension. Or if it was not OK in your family to express
fear or anger, you might be holding that repressed emotion in the muscle.”
The practitioner’s touch and the client’s memories and understanding of his or
her own emotions dance back and forth during the Rosen session.
Jon Spayde is a St. Paul, Minn.–based writer and editor.
Tresaro Chenille Bathrobe
(Chadsworth and Haig, $115)
No, it’s not another human being, but when you’re in need of
a warm embrace and there’s no one around, this snuggly, plush chenille robe
comes pretty darn close. We especially love the deep front pockets you can bury
your hands in and the fluffy, luxurious collar that softly envelops your neck.
The best part? Wearing the robe feels a lot like lounging around in a big
permahug. Extra bonus points: It washes and dries easily, retains its shape, and
lasts for years (probably part of the reason a lot of luxury spas and hotels
provide these robes to their guests). Check out the more than 20 colors online
at www.chadsworthandhaig.com. — STAFF
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The Loneliness Trap
Feeling cut off from others can do more than make you sad - it can make you
sick.
By Jon Spayde | Renewal Department,
July-August 2008 |
Stress Source
Barriers to Overcome
How to Cope
Stress Solver
Tresaro Chenille Bathrobe
Being all by yourself has two very different names: solitude
and loneliness. Solitude is a healthy state of self-communion in which escaping
the crowd creates peace and happiness. Loneliness, on the other hand, is a
condition associated with enough potential stress to damage your body.
James J. Lynch, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Baltimore and
author of three books on the medical effects of loneliness, points out that
while a little temporary loneliness is natural, when it becomes habitual — “a
feeling of being cut off and simply unable to communicate with others,” as he
puts it — it’s a real problem.
In his research over four decades, Lynch has seen the price
the body pays for loneliness: anxiety, depression, a compromised immune system,
and blood pressure spikes that bring an increased risk of hypertension and heart
disease.
Stress Source
Isolation and
loneliness Feeling deeply lonely, even in the presence of others, is
recognized as a social and emotional challenge, but it can also have serious, long-term
physical health effects.
Barriers to Overcome
A go-it-alone mentality. “We’re the products of a culture
that idolizes the self-sufficient Marlboro Man,” says Lynch. “We tend to think
of isolation as relatively normal.”
Too much screen time. Our reliance on computers and other
electronic devices tends to deprive us of the kind of face-to-face contact and
conversation that’s good for the soul — and the arteries.
Lack of self-awareness. We aren’t always particularly
cognizant of the extent of our isolation or loneliness, says Lynch, because “a
lot of our emotional life is outside of our awareness. We actually have two
bodies: a mechanical or hydraulic body — a body that pumps — and a communicative
body, a body that’s deeply affected by issues of connection and communication —
or lack of communication — with others.”
Prioritizing fitness over social well-being. Lynch says
people who work out a lot but neglect personal relationships may actually be at
greater risk for hypertension than their less well-exercised, but
better-connected, peers. A fit person’s heart pumps more blood with each stroke,
which can mean more physical stress on arterioles constricted by the emotional
stress of, say, relationship problems.
How to Cope
Listen to others. “Anything that gets you outside yourself
lowers your blood pressure,” says Lynch. “Talking increases your blood pressure,
sometimes quite dramatically. And talking while feeling lonely (that is, talking
but sensing that you are not connecting) only makes matters worse. But listening
— really listening — to others can actually bring your blood pressure down to
below your normal rate as it lessens feelings of isolation.”
Get out into nature. A peaceful walk under the blue sky not
only lowers blood pressure, it can transform feelings of loneliness into
healthier feelings of peacefulness and solitude.
Adopt a pet. “In our research, we found dramatically
decreased blood pressure among children when pets were in the room,” says Lynch.
Pet interaction has shown similar health-boosting effects in people of all ages.
Seek face time. Lynch stresses the need for face-to-face
contact in an electronically mediated world. Don’t allow online communities to
take the place of in-person social experiences based on shared interests and
hobbies. And seize every opportunity you can to take an authentic interest in
others — pay attention to their experiences and perspectives. Ask about what is
going on in their world.
Stress Solver
Hands That Listen
The Rosen Method uses the power of touch to reconnect you
with yourself. Feeling lonely or anxious? You might want to try a form of
bodywork called the Rosen Method. A methodology based on healing and centering
touch, the Rosen Method aims to create relaxation, well-being and
self-awareness. Origin: Marion Rosen (b. 1914) was working as a physical therapist
when she learned about the power of human touch from Lucy Heyer, a dancer and
massage therapist who belonged to the social circle of famed
psychologist Carl Jung. Rosen also noted that her patients got better when she
talked with them about the connection between their muscles and their emotions.
By the 1970s she had developed a unique therapeutic-touch method, along with a
style of movement that combined physical-therapy exercises and music. Benefits: “Relaxation is a goal, but because the relaxation is combined
with an awareness of how our bodies have ‘recorded’ our emotional lives, it is a more profound experience than simple
relaxation,” says Marjorie Huebner, a Minneapolis-based Rosen Method
practitioner and teacher. “Awareness can bring change in our lives.” The
method’s gentle, nonmanipulating, “listening” touch brings its own benefits. “It
stimulates our limbic brain, the ‘feeling’ brain that we share with animals, and
it encourages the flow of oxytocin, the hormone of connection and calming that
is in some ways the opposite of adrenaline,” she says. “Oxytocin is essential in
bringing down our stress level, and we get it when we are listened to, looked at
without judgment and touched.” (See “Emotional Biochemistry” in the
November/December 2003 archives.) Simple Steps: Rosen Method bodywork is not massage, Huebner explains, but a
“method of awareness.” The practitioner touches the client’s body in places
where there is muscular tightness, inviting the client to notice the tightness
and also, if he or she chooses, to talk about it.
“My touch helps you feel you,” says Huebner. “A muscle can
either contract or relax, and if it has contracted when it isn’t doing any work
like pushing or lifting, well, it’s doing something else, and if you don’t know
what it’s doing, you are going to keep that muscle tight, which might lead to
chronic pain and other problems.” Very often, she adds, the tight muscle is
holding in an emotion that, for whatever reason, you are not able to fully feel
or express.
“If you have had a great loss, say of a loved one, you will
experience a lot of grief,” she explains. “But you won’t experience it all at
once. Your body will hold on to some of it as muscle tension. Or if it was not OK in your family to express
fear or anger, you might be holding that repressed emotion in the muscle.”
The practitioner’s touch and the client’s memories and understanding of his or
her own emotions dance back and forth during the Rosen session.
Jon Spayde is a St. Paul, Minn.–based writer and editor.
Tresaro Chenille Bathrobe
(Chadsworth and Haig, $115)
No, it’s not another human being, but when you’re in need of
a warm embrace and there’s no one around, this snuggly, plush chenille robe
comes pretty darn close. We especially love the deep front pockets you can bury
your hands in and the fluffy, luxurious collar that softly envelops your neck.
The best part? Wearing the robe feels a lot like lounging around in a big
permahug. Extra bonus points: It washes and dries easily, retains its shape, and
lasts for years (probably part of the reason a lot of luxury spas and hotels
provide these robes to their guests). Check out the more than 20 colors online
at www.chadsworthandhaig.com. — STAFF
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