experiencelifemag.com Print › | Back › Live and Learn 2009 certainly gave us a stellar opportunity to learn something about how well we do or do not cope with challenging circumstances. In my mind, this is a good time to reflect on what we might take away from the past year’s experiences. By Bahram Akradi November 2009 If 2009 hasn't been a somewhat intense and stressful year for you, give yourself a hand: Whatever strategies you’ve been employing to offset, manage or transform stress are apparently unusually effective. As for the rest of us, 2009 certainly gave us a stellar opportunity to learn something about how well we do or do not cope with challenging circumstances. In my mind, this is a good time to reflect on what we might take away from the past year’s experiences: Where did we rise to the occasion, and where did we find our coping skills lacking? I did just this sort of review in my own life recently, and here are some of the insights I took away: 1. When the going gets tough, the tough keep going: I know the saying is that they get going, but many people who initially take on big challenges wind up losing heart along the way — usually about the same time their goal turns out to be a lot tougher than they thought. This year, I participated in a Colorado mountain-bike race called the Leadville Trail 100. A 100-mile event that includes 14,000 feet of painfully steep climbs at altitudes between 9,200 and 12,600 feet, it’s commonly thought to be one of the toughest bike races in the world. Of the 1,228 riders who started the race, only 888 finished under the 12-hour cut-off time. Under such grueling circumstances, the urge to quit can be profound at certain points. But what I’ve learned during previous tough rides (and tough times) is this: As appealing as the idea of quitting might be, if you just keep plugging away, at some point — maybe the equivalent of just 10 or 15 minutes down the road — you often suddenly start to feel different. You may get a second wind, see a new opportunity or find an untapped reserve that gets you to the next leg of the journey. Finishing the Leadville 100 in under 12 hours — and getting the coveted belt that comes along with that accomplishment — gave me immense satisfaction. It also reconfirmed my belief that when the present moment seems miserable, looking and pedaling forward is often the best way to a better place. 2. When the future scares you, focus on the present. I realize this may seem a little contradictory to what I just said about pedaling forward and putting faith in the possibility of a brighter future, but, in fact, it’s a similar principle: The present is actually far more bearable than our minds make it seem. It’s generally our projection into a future of scarcity and misery (or our mental replaying of a painful past) that convinces us we cannot stand what’s happening now. In fact, in the present moment, virtually all of our real needs are met. We are OK, safe, blessed. We have choices. We may be uncomfortable, but we’re rarely in as much trouble as our future-and-past-obsessed selves would have us believe. So when the future or past has you rattled, focus on the now. 3. When control is beyond your reach, seek wisdom instead. Nietzsche asserted that “He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.” I have always believed that having a clear sense of purpose is one of the most essential ingredients for surviving and thriving through stressful experiences of all kinds. But one thing I learned this year is that purpose — and the sense of determination that comes with it — does have its limits. There were times when I simply did not have (and could not wrest) control of a given situation. In these moments when I could not change things the way I wanted to, I was essentially forced to accept things as they were. In the process, I discovered a deeper kind of wisdom and faith — one that gave me a transcendent sense of acceptance I’d simply never experienced before. (For more on different kinds of personal power, see my column “The Power of Reflection” in the November 2008 archives.) So that’s been my takeaway from 2009 so far. I’d love to hear about yours! Please visit the “What I learned in 2009” forum at community.experiencelifemag.com to let me know how you’ve weathered the past year, and what insights you’re bringing with you into 2010.

Live and Learn

2009 certainly gave us a stellar opportunity to learn something about how well we do or do not cope with challenging circumstances. In my mind, this is a good time to reflect on what we might take away from the past year’s experiences.

If 2009 hasn't been a somewhat intense and stressful year for you, give yourself a hand: Whatever strategies you’ve been employing to offset, manage or transform stress are apparently unusually effective.

As for the rest of us, 2009 certainly gave us a stellar opportunity to learn something about how well we do or do not cope with challenging circumstances. In my mind, this is a good time to reflect on what we might take away from the past year’s experiences: Where did we rise to the occasion, and where did we find our coping skills lacking?

I did just this sort of review in my own life recently, and here are some of the insights I took away:

1. When the going gets tough, the tough keep going: I know the saying is that they get going, but many people who initially take on big challenges wind up losing heart along the way — usually about the same time their goal turns out to be a lot tougher than they thought. This year, I participated in a Colorado mountain-bike race called the Leadville Trail 100. A 100-mile event that includes 14,000 feet of painfully steep climbs at altitudes between 9,200 and 12,600 feet, it’s commonly thought to be one of the toughest bike races in the world. Of the 1,228 riders who started the race, only 888 finished under the 12-hour cut-off time. Under such grueling circumstances, the urge to quit can be profound at certain points. But what I’ve learned during previous tough rides (and tough times) is this: As appealing as the idea of quitting might be, if you just keep plugging away, at some point — maybe the equivalent of just 10 or 15 minutes down the road — you often suddenly start to feel different. You may get a second wind, see a new opportunity or find an untapped reserve that gets you to the next leg of the journey. Finishing the Leadville 100 in under 12 hours — and getting the coveted belt that comes along with that accomplishment — gave me immense satisfaction. It also reconfirmed my belief that when the present moment seems miserable, looking and pedaling forward is often the best way to a better place.

2. When the future scares you, focus on the present. I realize this may seem a little contradictory to what I just said about pedaling forward and putting faith in the possibility of a brighter future, but, in fact, it’s a similar principle: The present is actually far more bearable than our minds make it seem. It’s generally our projection into a future of scarcity and misery (or our mental replaying of a painful past) that convinces us we cannot stand what’s happening now. In fact, in the present moment, virtually all of our real needs are met. We are OK, safe, blessed. We have choices. We may be uncomfortable, but we’re rarely in as much trouble as our future-and-past-obsessed selves would have us believe. So when the future or past has you rattled, focus on the now.

3. When control is beyond your reach, seek wisdom instead. Nietzsche asserted that “He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.” I have always believed that having a clear sense of purpose is one of the most essential ingredients for surviving and thriving through stressful experiences of all kinds. But one thing I learned this year is that purpose — and the sense of determination that comes with it — does have its limits. There were times when I simply did not have (and could not wrest) control of a given situation. In these moments when I could not change things the way I wanted to, I was essentially forced to accept things as they were. In the process, I discovered a deeper kind of wisdom and faith — one that gave me a transcendent sense of acceptance I’d simply never experienced before. (For more on different kinds of personal power, see my column “The Power of Reflection” in the November 2008 archives.)

So that’s been my takeaway from 2009 so far. I’d love to hear about yours! Please visit the “What I learned in 2009” forum at community.experiencelifemag.com to let me know how you’ve weathered the past year, and what insights you’re bringing with you into 2010.

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